This week I interviewed Brian Smith on Worth More Than Rubies. Brian is the author of Mama's Lies Daddy's Pain.
In his book, Brian delves into "Baby Mama Drama" like never before. The female character in his book has allowed the male character in the book to believe that he is the father of her daugher 17 years. But, he really isn't
Jamal, the male character, has done everything for this child and in the end the child snubs him as well.
When I read the book, I must say that it angered me. Having been a single mother myself, I never received a dime from my sons' father. So, I personally find it reprehensible that a womam would do something like this.
Now, I have heard the other side of the story in which someone suggested that negative attention is better that no attention and maybe this "Baby Mama" did this because she still had a thing for Jamal. How pathetic!
Anyway, it makes me wonder if some "deadbeat dads", who know their "baby mama's, may have a point when they don't want to send money to them. We're talking about mama's who use the money for hair, nails, and boyfriends, instead of the children.
What do you think?
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Why Women Can't Just Leave
Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave:
· She may still care for her partner and hope that they will change (many women don't necessarily want to leave the relationship, they just want the violence to stop).
· She may feel ashamed about what has happened or believe that it is her fault.
· She may be scared of the future (where she will go, what she will do for money, whether she will have to hide forever and what will happen to the children).
· She may feel too exhausted or unsure to make any decisions.
· She may be isolated from family or friends or be prevented from leaving the home or reaching out for help.
· She may have low self-esteem as a result of the abuse.
· She may believe that it is better to stay for the sake of the children (eg wanting a father for her children and/or wishing to prevent the stigma associated with being a single parent).
Women and children need to know that they will be taken seriously and that their rights will be enforced. They need to have accessible options and be supported to make safe changes for themselves and their children. Resources and support they will need to leave safely include: money, housing, help with moving, transport, ongoing protection from the police, legal support to protect her and the children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If a woman is not sure if these are available to her, this may also prevent her from leaving.
Women may also seek support from family or friends and the quality of the support they receive is likely to have a significant influence on their decision-making. Sometimes women will make several attempts to leave before they actually leave permanently and safely. Regardless of her decision, it is important that the support a woman receives enables her to increase her and her children's safety regardless of the choices she makes about her relationship to the abuser. It also is vitally important that women are also supported whilst living with an abuser. If she feels that she will be excluded from ongoing support if she does not leave, she is unlikely to seek help from the same person or organisation again.
· She may still care for her partner and hope that they will change (many women don't necessarily want to leave the relationship, they just want the violence to stop).
· She may feel ashamed about what has happened or believe that it is her fault.
· She may be scared of the future (where she will go, what she will do for money, whether she will have to hide forever and what will happen to the children).
· She may feel too exhausted or unsure to make any decisions.
· She may be isolated from family or friends or be prevented from leaving the home or reaching out for help.
· She may have low self-esteem as a result of the abuse.
· She may believe that it is better to stay for the sake of the children (eg wanting a father for her children and/or wishing to prevent the stigma associated with being a single parent).
Women and children need to know that they will be taken seriously and that their rights will be enforced. They need to have accessible options and be supported to make safe changes for themselves and their children. Resources and support they will need to leave safely include: money, housing, help with moving, transport, ongoing protection from the police, legal support to protect her and the children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If a woman is not sure if these are available to her, this may also prevent her from leaving.
Women may also seek support from family or friends and the quality of the support they receive is likely to have a significant influence on their decision-making. Sometimes women will make several attempts to leave before they actually leave permanently and safely. Regardless of her decision, it is important that the support a woman receives enables her to increase her and her children's safety regardless of the choices she makes about her relationship to the abuser. It also is vitally important that women are also supported whilst living with an abuser. If she feels that she will be excluded from ongoing support if she does not leave, she is unlikely to seek help from the same person or organisation again.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Can't Women Just Leave?
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness and National Domestic Violence Month and since my life has been affected by both, I felt that I should make sure that I get the word out on each. Therefore I have included information on this blog as well as on my website http://www.avirtuouswoman-31.org/ , that will be of benefit to those who want to learn more.
Now, on to the discussion.
Although the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship does not guarantee that the violence will stop. In fact, the period during which a woman is planning or making her exit, is often the most dangerous time for her and her children. Many women are frightened of the abuser, and with good reason. It's common for perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if she leaves.
Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave can be varied.
This weeks question is Why Don't Women Leave their Abusive Situations?
Leave your comments here and then answer the poll question Can't She Just Leave?
Check back next week to see the answers.
Now, on to the discussion.
Although the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship does not guarantee that the violence will stop. In fact, the period during which a woman is planning or making her exit, is often the most dangerous time for her and her children. Many women are frightened of the abuser, and with good reason. It's common for perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if she leaves.
Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave can be varied.
This weeks question is Why Don't Women Leave their Abusive Situations?
Leave your comments here and then answer the poll question Can't She Just Leave?
Check back next week to see the answers.
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