7 Steps for Building God Confidence in Children: Step 7

Step 7: Give Unconditional Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails. The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. This is true also of our children.

The Bible says this unconditional love is more important than everything else. Only love is eternal, since love will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37) He then added that the second most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire law was dependent upon these two commandments.

Even with all of the steps presented in this lesson, it is still possible that your children will make choices contrary to what they have been taught. The bottom line is they are humans replete with the free will given to them by God. But, as parents, we must provide unconditional love even in the midst of their rebellion, miss-steps, and poor choices.

Much like the love God has for His children, we must step back and allow our children to make their choices, but we must never withdraw the love that we have for them . It is this love along with the love of God that can ultimately save them from themselves.

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 6

Step 6: Foster Responsibility and Independence

Learning to be responsible includes learning to:
• respect and show compassion for others;
• practice honesty as a matter of course;
• show courage in standing up for our principles;
• develop self-control in acting on our principles;
• maintain self-respect.
As parents we are always teaching our children with our words and our actions. Talk with your children about moral and ethical dilemmas to help them learn to stand up for their principles. Your child’s ability to reason through certain issues even reckless and selfish ones will improve as they mature. If you have taken the time to have meaningful discussions, it will help them in the deliberation process. Allow your children to work through problems on their own. Remind them that you are there to help if necessary, but give them the room to fail and help them to understand why. Help your children to learn that they should not allow others to bully them, but teach them that they should not handle conflicts or solve problems with violence. Teach your children to respect others and be tolerant of other peoples differences.

As parents, we can give our children the best in us by helping them acquire habits and character traits that they can rely on in their own lives. If we help them learn to take pleasure in thinking and behaving well, they will have the best chance to lead good lives as individuals and as citizens in the community

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 5

Step 5: Be a Good Role Model


Joseph is a good example of how we can be role models for our children. Whether in betrayal, adversity, or success, he makes the best of his circumstances, remaining faithful and loyal to God.

1. Genesis 37:1-11 (New International Version)
2. Genesis 39:1-23
3. Genesis 40:1-23
4. Genesis 41:37-57
5. Genesis 45:1-8, 50:15-21
Joseph was a dreamer with great aspirations. He was loyal, patient, diligent, dependable, and forgiving.

If we take a lesson from the pages of Joseph’s life and exhibit before our children these qualities, then we will establish a foundation for our children to build upon.

Our children emulate what they see. They are like disciples following after our example. Live a life of faithfulness, strong moral character, and due diligence. Be fair, honest and control your temper when handling conflict. Find ways to manage your stress levels.
Be tolerant by going out of your way to be kind and compassionate to others. Help others and learn to be an active listener.

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 4

Step 4: Create a safe Loving Home Environment

Psalms 133: 1-3 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

Kids who don’t feel safe will suffer. Children exposed to parents who fight and argue may become depressed and withdrawn. Remember to respect your kids.

Unity in the home is called precious and a blessing. Too many outside commitments can lead to little time spent with your children. A family cannot experience wholeness until each member is willing to put the other first.

Though many life situations are beyond our control, parents can still establish homes that are peaceful and secure. Start by rejoicing in the accomplishments of others. Encourage your children to voice honest doubts and real struggles. A consistent walk with God, established routines, clearly communicated boundaries, and traditions when consistently applied create homes that are free of volatility. Such homes become retreats; safe places of comfort and renewal.

Our families can be a powerful witness to others for good. We can either point to God or away from Him. When our homes are havens for peace and respect for one another, people take notice.

Make your home a place where disagreements are fair, different opinions are respected, and words are loving.

Who is the power behind your family? What do people see when they look at your family? What traits do you admire about other families? How can you incorporate those traits into your family? What positive aspects are being built into your own family?

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 3

Step 3: Nurture the Gifts that God has given them

Matthew 25:24-30 "Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.”His master replied, 'you wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. "Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more and he will have abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'


Every child is born with special gifts from God. Their gift may not be athletic like Michael Jordan’s or Tiger Woods. It may not be charismatic like Barack Obama’s or Oprah Winfrey’s. Instead, it may be that they have a gift for teaching or compassion. But whatever the gift, each one is important to their being able to walk in the destiny God has designed for their life,

Encourage your children to avoid comparing their abilities to those of others. Challenge them to develop their talent. Above all encourage them to use their talent in a way that is pleasing to God.

As a parent it is our responsibility to help our children enhance their gifts. When a child’s natural abilities are not allowed to grow, it will have an impact on their self esteem. Forcing a child into an area in which he or she has no interest or ability will cause them to have low self esteem and ultimately they won’t be able to live up to expectations

Resolve to build up your children and not tear them down. Be careful not to push them to fulfill your dreams than theirs. If you have been oppressive or harsh, seek forgiveness.
Make your home a home of love and encouragement.

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 2

Step 2: Accept Your Children for Who They Are: God Does

One of the greatest needs our children have is that of acceptance. Believe me, the world is full of instruction on how to achieve it. But the ways of the world are not the ways of God. God's way is not about conforming, it's about being transformed. The only way this transformation can happen is by studying His word and letting it renew our minds.

Our children need to know that they were fearfully and wonderfully made in God's own image, as such, when they see themselves as God sees them, they will develop a healthy sense of self worth.

They will better understand that the only one from whom they need acceptance is God.

As a parent, don't try to mold them into what you want them to be. Instead help them to look for and become what God wants them to be. Understand that we are just steward to whom God has entrusted these little souls. When they don’t meet your expectations, remember it’s not your expectations they must meet. Our job is to nurture them and guide them into the acceptance of Christ and His plan for their lives.

7 Steps to Building God Confidence in Children: Step 1

Genesis 27:33-37 Isaac trembled violently and said, "Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!" When Esau heard his father's words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me—me too, my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing." Esau said, "Isn't he rightly named Jacob [a] ? He has deceived me these two times: He took my birthright, and now he's taken my blessing!" Then he asked, "Haven't you reserved any blessing for me?" Isaac answered Esau, "I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?"
Step One: Speak positively into your child's life.

There is a story in the Bible which involves a father’s words or lack thereof.

Esau and Jacob were both sons of Isaac. According to the covenant God made with Abraham, who was Isaac's father, it was required that they pass on the blessing of God to their eldest son.

Now Isaac had every intention of doing this, but Isaac's younger son Jacob and Jacob's mother Rachel, tricked Jacob into giving this birthright to Isaac.

Esau was distraught. So much so that he hated his brother Jacob.

In this situation, Isaac could have diffused the situation by speaking up. Instead he chose to remain silent and docile. As a result Esau spent many years in turmoil.

Parents encouraging words can propel a child to greatness while a careless remark or lack thereof can send a child into a life long tail spin. As parents our words can shape our child's view of the world and their place in it.

The Bible teaches us that we have the power of life and death in our own tongues. Choose to speak life into your children. Avoid words and criticisms that lead to ridicule and shame. Be generous with praise. Catch your children doing good rather that seeking to catch them doing bad.

Your words make a difference in what your children believe about themselves

What were the last words you said to your child today? How can you use your words to build up and encourage your children each day?

The Ministry of Motherhood

Pre-order The Ministry of Motherhood
http://www.peaceinthestormpublishing.com

Wild Things by Stephen James and David Thomas

Blogger & Answers Questions


1. In your last book, How to Hit a Curveball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man, you addressed a lot of fatherhood issues about rearing boys. How is your new book, Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, different?

How to Hit a Curveball felt like a perfect introduction to this book. That book challenges men to take a good look at themselves, their experience of being boys themselves and how they were (or weren’t) fathered. We strongly believe that men can’t father well outside of paying attention to their own stories. Whether we like it or not, we are all creatures of habit. We gravitate back toward what we know – good or bad. That book was an invitation to look a little closer at both.

Wild Things is an invitation to take a closer look at your son. This book is a comprehensive look at boy development from birth to young adulthood. In addition to laying out the biology of a boy, we also look at the mind of a boy and the heart of a boy. We break down what a boy needs from his mom and from his dad in every stage of his development. We also hit on all the hot topics surrounding boys, everything from the impact of media to substance abuse, the role of sports, and sex and dating.


2. The subject of Wild Things was inspired by Maurice Sendak’s classic tale Where the Wild Things Are. Why did you find this theme so appropriate?
If you read closely Sendak’s story, he brilliantly speaks to a boy’s hunger for risk and adventure, how boys crave power and purpose, and how they make sense of the world around them. Sendak’s portrait of boys felt so accurate to the two of us and a unique way of exploring and dissecting a boy’s inner world.

In Wild Things, we borrow from the passion and ethos of Sendak’s book and use that to provide insight and direction for parents, teachers, and mentors in what it means to love a boy well. We also try and give a lot of real life examples from our own lives and from the families we work with in our counseling practices.


3. You address five key stages that a boy goes through on his journey to becoming a man. What stage is the most difficult for most boys to navigate?

Each of the stages holds unique challenges. We worked hard to break down each stage in a way that is easy to digest. We think that that parents and educators will walk away with a clearer understanding of a boy’s unique design in each stage and some practical ideas in how to care for him within that stage of his development.

In many ways Wild Things is the kind of thing that you don’t just read once. It is more like an entertaining reference guide that parents and teachers can go back to time and time again for encouragement, insight, and direction.

But if we had to identify one stage as the most challenging, though, we’d have to say the Wanderer stage (13-17). This window of a young man’s development is plagued by physical and emotional change. A colleague of mine, who is pediatrician, said boys in this stage are 98% hormone, which translates to their being so emotional. A part of their developmental agenda is moving toward independence and pulling away. He’s often times the most distant and hard to read in this stage, which greatly complicates the process of letting him go and trusting him with more independence. And it is during this stage that is has the ability to make decisions that will effect the rest of his life. The risks are real and boys in this stage lack the ability to choose wisely with their future in sight.


4. Both of you are fathers of girls and boys. How is parenting a boy different from parenting a girl?

Parenting boys in the first three stages is just so physical. Parenting boys in these years requires a great deal of physical energy—and a good back. Whereas parenting our daughters is so much more relational and emotional. Both are exhilarating and exhausting, but in different ways.

When I (David) engage my daughter, it’s in sitting in a neighborhood coffee shop talking about her day at school. My boys can sit at the coffee shop long enough to finish a chocolate chip cookie, spill their milk and then we’re kicking a soccer ball across the street at the park.

We talk a lot in the book about boys in motion and how to engage these active, physical beings. Girls need that too, no doubt, but not in the same way boys need it.

We had our families together the other day over at my (Stephen’s) house. At one point all the kids went out in the front yard to play: five boys and two girls in all. There were a number of balls lying around the yard. The boys started playing soccer with one ball and the girls started playing soccer with another. After a few minutes the boys were trying to kick the ball at each other and the girls were off to the side talking to each other. To me that is a great picture of the differences.

5. What mistakes have parents and educators made in their approach to rearing and training boys?

For me (Stephen) the consistent mistake my wife and I make is that we over explain and over verbalize with our sons. This is a problem that is very common. In parenting boys, adults tend to talk to them and at them a great deal. We talk and talk and talk and end up sounding a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Whah, whah, whah.” In Wild Things we offer a number of different strategies for engaging and educating boys that better match their unique design. Boys learn through experience and physical repetition. They need consistent firm boundaries and loads of encouragement.

As far as school goes we speak a lot in the book that the compulsory model we use for schooling in the United States is generally well-suited to a girl’s learning style. It’s heavy on verbal and written expression, two particular areas of strength for most girls. It involves a good deal of sitting still for extended periods of time with mostly auditory instruction. These methods don’t match a boy’s way of learning or draw on his learning strengths.


6. How did you come to the conclusions you discuss in Wild Things?

The book is a combination of science and research, clinical experience (our own as therapists and that of others), and our own journey of parenting five boys between the two of us.

As therapists, we have sat with thousands of men and boys over the years. Our hope was to bring their voices into the content of Wild Things. We have learned so much from the males we’ve had the great honor of working with and hoped to bring their stories into this text. In addition to those, we are still learning so much from living with five of our wild things.

7. At what age should parents discuss sex, homosexuality, and pornography with their boys?

You may be surprised to hear this answer, but we’d recommend beginning a dialogue around sexuality at the age of two. We aren’t recommending education around homosexuality and pornography at two. That begins typically around age 8-10, possibly earlier or later depending on the boy. But we are strong advocates of a healthy ongoing dialogue with every boy around the design of his body, sexuality, and boundaries in relationships in stage one. We lay out a good portion of this in the book to take some of the guess work out of it for parents, and we recommend some useful resources in further guiding you through this life long discussion. As boys grow older the conversation becomes more specific and more technical. Think of it like painting: it starts with broad brush strokes and then moves to finer detail. But as a rule, it starts way before most parents think it does.


8. What are the three most important factors in keeping a boy from experimenting with drugs?

We continue to see three common factors among young men that we’ve worked with who either abstain from using substances or experiment and then make a decision not to continue. The first would be a strong faith and core values. The second would be a strong family open to dialogue. The third would be strong relationships.


9. Who are the most important role models in a boy’s life?

There is no question that a boy’s parents play a foundational role in the man he becomes. In Wild Things we have a chapter that specifically address a mother’s relationship with her son as well as a chapter that addresses a father’s relationship with his son. But it doesn’t stop there for boys. There is great truth to the old African proverb that says “it takes a village.” We talk early in the book about how a boy begins to hunger for other voices and a part of our role is to put them in his way, so that he ends up with this community of individuals who believe in him and hold him up.

10. What kinds of things can a father do to bond with his son and raise him to be emotionally mature?

One of the first things we’d challenge a dad to do is to pay attention to his own story. That was a central purpose in our book How to Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak and Become a Real Man: Learning the Lessons our Fathers Never Taught Us. Unless we understand how our stories inform who we are as men, husbands, and fathers, we stand to make a number of significant mistakes with our own sons. So before a man starts making a list of things to “do” with his son, we’d encourage him to start with himself. That step doesn’t involve his son at all, but is one of the most powerful ways to love and care for him.

That step gives way to the second step. In order for a father to raise an emotionally mature young man, he must be an emotionally healthy man himself. A boy desperately needs a dad who has an interior life. Our culture is flooded with emotionally stunted, emotionally damaged males. There’s no shortage there. Men have a responsibility to lead their son’s in living from their hearts. Women can’t really teach boys how to do this. Mom’s can invite it and encourage it, but the action of it must be modeled by a man.

Thirdly, we’d challenge dads to study his son in search of his boy’s definition of enjoyment. That’s different for every boy. We both have a set of twin boys. Two males with identical genetic ingredients and yet the outcome couldn’t be any more different. These guys, born within minutes of one another, have different passions, different strengths, and different longings. And they experience enjoyment in some similar ways as well as some different ways. We are both on a long journey of discovering what that is. Just as soon as we get a handle on it, it can change just as his development does. So it’s a long journey of studying these boys and pursuing their passions and their hearts.


11. People often talk about the father’s role in teaching a boy to be a man, but a mother’s relationship is important too. What are some mistakes a mother can make?

A mother’s role is so very important. That message is woven throughout Wild Things. There is so much to the answer to this question. You’ll need to read the book to get a comprehensive look at your role throughout his development. We talk a lot with mom’s about two unique callings within their role, both of which lend themselves to mistakes and potential harm to the mother-son relationship. To boil it down though to a couple of things we would say 1) The first is being safe and 2) the second is letting go. We break both of those down in great detail within the book. By being safe we mean a mothers ability to let her son be a boy. By letting go we mean a mother’s willingness to let her boy become a man. We speak a whole lot more to this throughout the book. It’s such a big question, and an important question for moms to consider.


12. If you could give once piece of advice to parents and educators reading this book, what would it be?

The study of a boy is such a worthwhile use of your time and resources. Boys are complex, imaginative, mysterious, brilliant, challenging, creative, strong, tender, courageous beings—and each is unique. Parenting and educating them is a wonderful, difficult, complex, enjoyable, physical, emotional, delightful, maddening journey. Our hope is that Wild Things is a useful guide along that journey.

If we have to give one piece of advice it would be for parents and educators to continue to invest in their own emotional and spiritual maturity. Growing yourself is the best gift you can give a boy you love.

Conclusion


You’ve gained some valuable advice, but there’s more! If you would like to learn more from these parenting experts about raising boys, you can order a copy of Wild Things through amazon.com.
Based on clinical research, Stephen James and David Thomas have filled Wild Things with practical tips and suggestions for parents. They guide readers through the five stages of a boy’s development, providing an overview and explanation of each stage, followed by a plan to put new principles into action. Pick up a copy today!

Stephen James, M.A., and David Thomas, M.S.S.W., are speakers, authors, and therapists who work directly with boys and their families. They also travel around the country, speaking on parenting and marriage communication, and they have been dynamic guests on CBN’s Living the Life, Good Day Atlanta, WGN Midday News, Moody’s Midday Connection, and other radio programs coast to coast. Learn more at www.stephenanddavid.com.

Single Mothers Welfare and Child Support are not Your Source!

By Worth More Than Rubies Ministries

Dated: Dec 02, 2008

Cheryl Lacey Donovan speaks with Don Durant about her new book The Ministry of Motherhood.

Court ordered child support was designed to assure that children are cared for financially by both parents.

"I received a court order for child support but never received a penny after the order was made," Says Lacey-Donovan, author of the soon to be released Ministry of Motherhood.

To add insult ot injury Cheryl says she tried to collect through a private agency and was told that everyone was trying to get money from her ex-husband.
Cheryl's experience is not uncommon. She says the Attorney General's office focuses more on mothers who are on public assistance because the government wants to recoup some of its money.

"Even then many mothers never receive a dime. That's why I advocate that mothers take a different approach. You see, I had to learn that Child Support was not my source. My true source was God. Once I began operating from that belief, my life began to change."

Cheryl's says that mothers need to stop focusing so much on receiving money from others and begin to look to themselves for the financial security they seek.

"The truth of the matter is, many of these men were not responsible from the outset, so assuming that they will be responsible fathers is a jump," says Cheryl

Don Durant will be interviewing Cheryl on Saturday, December 13, 2008. Log into www.blogtalkradio.com/don-durant 4pm EST. To call in for the discussion dial 718-305-6322

About the Author

Cheryl Donovan's life is a true reflection of God's faithfulness. Mrs. Donovan encountered God at an early age. Yet, at the age of 17 she found herself in a constant struggle as a teenage mother. So, after a few years of trying to do things her way, she decided to place all of her trust in the fact that God could and would work miracles in her life. She was walking a tough road, but God was walking with her. Through the love and support of her family and friends, Mrs. Donovan was able to persevere.

"All of the women that I have advised over the years have similar stories; low self esteem, abusive relationships, poverty. I too have endured some of these same realities. I just felt like it was time to write a book that tells women that the situations that they are in don't have to be permanent. There is hope, but their
choices must be different if they expect their circumstances to be different. Poor choices lead to poor circumstances. I want readers to comprehend the message that failure is not an option, especially when you have children. It is my hope that the life lessons and biblical references provided in "Women What the Hell
are You Thinking" and The Ministry of Motherhood will show women of all ages and colors that failure is not an option in any aspects of their lives. Women have always been over comers but they must find it within themselves to persevere."

Mrs. Donovan hopes to affect the lives of women in a profound way. Her passion is fueled by the many life changes that have affected her over the years. Cheryl understands adversity and realizes that you can't keep life from happening, but the choices that you make can determine the circumstances that you find
yourself in.

Her captivating messages are presented with passion and conviction as she connects with her audience through her conversational style. Learn more about Cheryl by visiting www.cheryllaceydonovan.com

About the Book

In the Ministry of Motherhood,author Cheryl Lacey Donovan tackles the issue of single parenting with raw emotion, insightful lessons, biblical references and relevant life changing inspiration for mothers of all ages. It will minister to women who are living the life that Cheryl has overcome. The empowering
refreshing messages will challenge mothers to look inside themselves for change. It will help them to identify the strongholds in their lives; public assistance, lack of education, abusive relationships, and tear them down with the help of the creator so that they can in turn take the steps necessary to build a better life
for themselves and their children.

Cheryl's transparency in The Ministry of Motherhood tears down all of
the excuses for why single mothers can't succeed. It breaks away at all of the lies that are told about why single mother's are in their current situations; and it defies the statistics that say the children of single mother's will never amount to anything.

The Ministry of Motherhood is Cheryl's journey from being a teenage parent to being a successful mother, author, talk show host, and inspirational speaker. It tells of Cheryl's transition from the devastation of an abusive marriage which left her with two sons at an early age to her testimony of deliverance and release. It
gives an insightful look into what it means to be a "mother"; the hard choices, the sacrifices, the dreams deferred. The Ministry of Motherhood is more than just a mere book. It is a testimony of God's ability to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask.

This book is a must read for mothers of all ages
###

About Peace in the Storm Publishing

Peace in the Storm Publishing is a broad-based publisher whose strength lies in publishing quality books to reach the reader's soul. Our motto is "Giving your Soul a Rise, One Page at a Time." Our mission is to publish entertaining and enjoyable works by gifted storytellers in all genres, including, contemporary fiction, mystery, romance, self help, general interest fiction, street-lit, erotica, non-fiction and Christian fiction.
Category Family, Lifestyle, Literature

Shayla Simone
books@peaceinthestormpublishing.com
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